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does a different driver derail downer dietz’s dizzy dispatches?

PUBLISHED JUNE 21, 2014

After watching Al Liskunas and Craig Ethridge blast drives fifty to one hundred yards longer than El Presidente’s meager efforts, The Scribe on Saturday dropped to his knees and looked up at the sky: ‘Why, O Lord, why have thou forsaken me? What sin have I committed that you should punish me with short drives and even shorter putts? True, when I was younger I didn’t always check the IDs of females who traversed my path. And I once told my sainted mother that the ten bucks missing from her purse was taken by a raccoon. But for these failings I am forever to be tied to a rack? Art thou not a forgiving God?’ Suddenly there was a clap of thunder and a voice that sounded like James Earl Jones cracked the ether. ‘You call yourself The Scribe, but you are dumber than a box of rocks. You are using a driver older than Moses was when he reached Mt. Sinai. Get thee to Golfsmith and buy an upgrade, and quite whining!’ Not wanting to piss off and entity with that much power, I did as the Lord advised. But I also had an ace up my sleeve in the person of Craig Roser. Craig is an engineer, and engineers fix things (The Scribe once tried to change a light bulb and the whole neighborhood went dark). Under Craig’s tutelage a brand new Taylor Made found its way into my bag. ‘That’s only half the battle,’ Craig said. ‘you’re using balls made by chipmunks in the dead of night. Spend the money and get some real balls!’ Desperate, I did as advised, and Sunday morning at 7 a.m. sage Roser and his prize pupil were first off at University Park. And the moral of this story is this – technology does matter. Owning a driver that actually has grooves on its face and hitting a ball made by a scientist and not a Hottentot produces happy results. An additional fifty yards to be exact. The Scribe’s pending suicide is now on hold. Now, how about Marty Glass making another move toward the title? We’ve been here before, and Marty has seen the elusive ring of victory slip from his fingers. Not that current titleholder Scott Dennis (79 on Saturday) is going to rollover. The aforementioned Mr. Ethridge also shot 79, but his problem is going to be getting in ten rounds. Craig is taking his wife to Europe for three weeks and when he gets back he might be speaking French and wearing perfumed puffy shirts (neither of which is conducive to golf). The PDGA also saw the return of Gavin Kelly after a long hiatus. Gavin, like Hamlet, can’t seem to make up his mind about his love for golf. Whether or not this is a resurrection is still up in the air. Hats off to all the members including Natalie, Jeff, Dave, Robert, Chuck, Doug, Jim, Bill, Bob, and Mike for making the long trip to North Port when the weather was so tenuous. Next week we will probably give Highlands at the Meadows a shot based on Scott’s recommendation. And get thee to Golfsmith!

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