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Dateline: September 7, 2019

HUN, WHERE’S THE HURRICANE?

In 451 AD Attila The Hun marched all the way to the borders of Rome. For reasons that baffle historians to this day, he turned around and went home without even taking a shot at the title. What a wimp.

In 2019 a hurricane called Dorian marched all the way to the coast of Florida, took one look at the Sunshine State, and decided to invade South Carolina.

Dorian didn’t hesitate to pound the Hell out of the Bahamas. But those puny islands constitute the welterweight division. Now Florida, that’s the heavyweight division. Can you say choke?

I have a theory (don’t I always?). It was the collective psychic energy of millions of Florida golfers that caused Dorian to march north toward those football loving South Carolinians. I know I did my part. I spent last weekend on the couch, vodka I hand, hurling threats at the television set. ‘Dorian!’ I intoned with feigned umbrage. ‘Be gone! You seek to condemn me to a housebound existence where I am forced to watch Murder, She Wrote, Hart To Hart, and renditions of The Three Stooges with Shemp instead of Curly. It is all too ghastly to contemplate! Take your low barometric reading, your 180 mph gusts, your incessant rain, and get the Hell outta here! This state was meant for golfers – not malevolent storms that turn roof tiles into Frisbees! Go away, you rotund gasbag, you flatulent atmospheric abomination!’

Dorian heard the cries of millions of golfers facing life at home with kith and kin. And he (or it) took mercy.

To all those people who cancelled their Labor Day plans – Hahaha…

On Monday The Scribe was at Palm Aire with Scott Dennis, Al Liskunas, and Pat O’Halloran. The weather could not have been more perfect. Dorian was hunkered down offshore, allegedly headed north at one mile per hour. At that speed Dorian should reach North Carolina in 2020. Look out, you Tarheels!

We are back at Stoneybrook South tomorrow because out of an abundance of caution I selected a course that can weather bad weather. Next week most of the PDGA will be at Palm Aire. Many of you have a raincheck because our last sojourn was truncated by rain. If you weren’t at Palm Aire for that outing, don’t expect financial relief. Palm Aire personnel have a list of golfers who were forced by rain to retire from the course.

I will not be at the Palm Aire outing. I will be at Mission Inn with PDGA members Don Worley, Mike Roberts and Scott Dennis. We will be golfing in the rolling hills of central Florida Saturday and Sunday. You may all expect embellished tales in the newsletter when we return.

It is already September. In three weeks radio stations will begin playing Christmas music. I kid you not. Also in three weeks we will begin the championship rounds where the top four players compete against each other each week until the issue is settled on the last Saturday in October. Like a bullet from a high powered rifle – Time Flies.

JON


PAIRINGS FOR sTONEYBROOK SOUTH
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 7, 2019 8:22 A.M.
HOLES 1 & 10 • 3 GROUPS PER TEE

Dietz, Dennis, Rawley, Ethridge
Glass, Roeger, Hartsuck
Wackowski, Worley, Settlemyre
Nutter, Curtis, Wheeler

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