The Worley-Dietz motion is officially dead. I didn’t kill it. Its demise was heralded by the algorithms in Al Liskunas’ computer. Two weeks ago Don Worley and I were kicking around the idea of changing PDGA policy regarding the number of strokes one can take on any given hole. For thirty years that number was nine. Didn’t matter if the hole in question was a par 3, 4, or 5. Once a player hacked the ground nine times, it was time to stop. Doctor Worley pointed out that a low handicapper could run through a bad patch of golf and watch as his or her handicap climbed upward. This same golfer could then get hot and win the crown by hook or crook.
Human nature being what it is, golfers have been known to ‘pad’ or ‘sandbag’ their scores in order to win some financial gain. I saw this first hand during a five year period when I participated in the Bobby Jones City Tournament. The event was four days. The positioning was decided by the scores turned in on Thursdays and Fridays. There were nine levels of players. Group One was the best of the best. Group nine was the Stephen Hawking-Michael J. Fox brigade. The winner of each level could parlay his victory into a romp through the pro shop where about two hundred dollars in products were made available. Now two hundred bucks in shirts and golf balls isn’t going to buy you a condo in Aspen or trip to China. And a new pair of golf shoes isn’t going to cause women to swoon. But you would be amazed at the number of good golfers who turned in scores in the high eighties and low nineties on Thursday and Friday and then suddenly these same individuals had a coordination attack on Saturday and Sunday. With eye-popping regularity it became par, birdie, par, birdie. Like Caesar in Gaul these conquerors would demand booty from pro shop personnel. ‘I don’t want any Top Flite balls, pal. Gimme the titelist with the naked lady logo!’ So Don Worley and I decided to make a motion: The most a golfer could record on any hole is a triple bogey.
Not so fast, said scorekeeper Al Liskunas. His computer program already accomplishes this formula. When one reports a quadruple bogey, the computer lowers the reported number down. Al said he is seriously comtemplating having a party at his house where PDGA members can watch his computer program at work (Caution: Al is a teetotaler and you might have to bring your own Kickapoo juice). In any event none of you will be asked to vote on the motion. It’s dead.
In other news, the next two rounds of golf have been organized. Tomorrow we will be at Heritage Oaks off of Bee Ridge (Do not go to Heritage Harbour up north). This is an 8 a.m. shotgun. The nineteenth hole will be at the golf course. On 25 May 2019 we will be at Palm Aire. This is an 8:30 a.m. shotgun. Immediately following golf we will have the trophy party at the golf course restaurant. Spouses are welcome. The food budget is paid for by PDGA dues. Alcohol is another matter. However, new champ Don Worley said the first round of drinks will come out of his capacious bank account. We have a new Viking helmet (Craig Ethridge expropriated the old one, allegedly because his wife found it sexy). Don does not resemble Hagar the Horrible, but I can’t wait to see this new helmet resting atop his head.
Dietz, Harter, Dennis
Glass, Ethridge, Hartsuck
Williamson, Worley, Settlemyre, Bob Coseo
Curtis, Rose, Wheeler, Nutter
Albrecht, Ehlke, Woolverton, Rob Coseo